Boss and friend?

If you are the boss can you be friends with your employees?

Here are some basic tips that will help set appropriate boundaries.

• Clarify the relationship.  You are the boss and when it comes down to it you must make decisions that are in the best interest of all.  
• Be friendly but be careful.  When everyone wants to go for a beer on Friday night, it’s ok to be social but don’t stay too late and don’t be the last to go home.  If so, trouble will await when you get home and in the office the following  Monday morning.
• Never play favorites. Everyone watches the boss and if your team feels like there is an “A” team and a “B” team there will be increased politics and tension.
• Be careful with information.  In the office, information is power.  A shared confidence can get a life of its own and you will regret it.

In the end, being genuinely interested in others well being while having clear boundaries is the key.

Bully Boss

You will find bullies on the playground and bullies in the workplace. Does any of this sound familiar?

• They over control.
• They micro manage.
• They openly display contempt for others.
• They exploit employees.
• They humiliate others.

And you’ll often find them in left brain industries…high-tech, financial and engineering firms.

They are often very bright. Their smarts got them results, noticed and a great promotion. And with that promotion came a thought, “They won’t mess with me. I’m the best they’ve got.”

So if you work for a bully boss here are some tactics that work:

1. Confront the bully but do it in private. If you confront in public they become highly threatened and you’ll become their punching bag. Here is an example….”I’m sorry you feel you have to do that but I will not put up with that kind of behavior. It has no place here.”
2. Be specific. What behavior is unacceptable?
3. Try humor.
4. Build your network. Surround yourself with allies. Make sure your bosses boss knows of your great results and positive performance.

Eventually the bully boss becomes too costly bringing high turnover, loss of customers and hinders innovation.

Stand firm. You are worth it.

Date Night

Often times after a speaking engagement and during the question and answer period, I’ll be asked,

“How do you do it all?  Have the successful career, raise two great kids and keep your marriage alive and well for 30 years?”

I talk about all aspects of an integrated life (note I did not say balanced life) but today I’d like to share a simple thing that can keep a marriage alive and healthy and whole. It’s a simple thing called date night. And I give my husband Jeff all the credit for this.

I like to live life large and throw myself into all aspects of my life 150%.  It’s just how I’m wired.

So when I’ve pushed myself a bit too far or have been immersed day and night into work for long periods of time, Jeff will declare its time for a date night. When the kids were little it was so important to get a babysitter and just be with my husband. No distractions, no one demanding attention.

Quite frankly when the kids were little, I think those date nights saved my marriage.  

Jeff was so on target to scoop me up every three months and take me downtown for a night or better yet, book a 3 day weekend out of town.

I could let go of the pressures at work and raising kids and look across the table and remember why I married this great guy in the first place.

30 years later, with one child raised and out in the world and a teenager at home ,  Jeff still makes those date nights happen. In fact later this week we’re off for a long weekend on a beach.  And he planned it all.

So if you are married and you are working hard and you are taking care of your family, make sure your marriage gets a boost….plan a date night every three months!